It was a pleasant autumn morning. Every season brings its own magic. Time for the trees to shed leaves. As leaves fall from the trees, they leave behind a legacy of their time in the sun.
It’s 5.00 am, and time for our morning walk. As expected, Pratap joined me for the walk. “Is it not a wonderful morning? Just look at the calmness all around and the silence speaks volumes. what do you feel?” Pratap started the conversation.
“it’s true. I like Autumn of all seasons. Because, it gives hope and aspirations for new life. Just as trees shed their leaves to prepare for new growth, we are reminded to release old habits, toxic relationships, or burdensome thoughts which no longer nourish our lives, to create space for new life.”
“I want to ask you one question which is lingering in my mind for quite some time. I think we know each other for more than a decade. I always see you calm and cool like a Zen master. I have never seen you losing your temper. How do you manage, and can you please share your secret formula?”
“It’s through transformation. I am also an ordinary mortal like everyone else. It was some thirty years back, when I had to move to a faraway place on a special assignment. I had to move alone leaving my family behind due to some unavoidable circumstances. It was a challenging job, and I took it up with full enthusiasm. The project was for five years. I cannot leave the project in between without completing it. I can take some short breaks in between, of course. And this was the only consolation.
I started the project in full swing. But gradually I could make out that my colleagues don’t give full support. And it was the same case with the higher ups. But I was not willing to give up. Slowly I started losing my temper for even simple things when things don’t work out as per my plan. And back home, my family needed my support badly. I was on the verge of mental breakdown. One of my close friends suggested to go for counselling and he suggested a doctor whom he knows very well. Reluctantly I started the therapy, continued for a month or so. But it was not doing any good. The situation became bad to worse.” I paused for a moment.
Then Pratap asked, “But what happened? “
“They use different techniques during the therapy. I was told that I am suppressing my emotions which lead to outbursts later. And I was asked not to suppress my emotions and behave normally. But this was not working at all. I started getting angry very often. And subsequently I stopped the therapy. I don’t want to blame the therapy or the therapist, just because it was not suiting me. I am a voracious reader from my childhood days. One day I stumbled upon a short story of a father and son. The story goes like this:
“Joseph is a successful businessman. He has a nine-year-old son, Tom who is extraordinarily brilliant and equally mischievous. Tom is an expert in many fields and excels in academics too. He has one weakness; he cannot control his anger. He loses his temper very often. And he himself doesn’t know what he will do once he loses his temper. There were numerous complaints from the school authorities and outsiders too. They were tolerating him because of his good manners and brilliance in all fields. And a time came when they could not tolerate any more. The school authorities called for his parents and explained to them about the consequences of his outbursts. They gave his parents an ultimatum of 45 days. Now Joseph took it seriously and as a challenge too. Joseph and Tom are more like friends, and they frequently share their feelings freely.
After detailed discussion with his son, Joseph asked him, “Why can’t you control your anger? Have you ever thought of the impact of your outbursts on others? They feel hurt and humiliated. You lose your respect in the public and they try to avoid your company. People generally don’t remember the good deeds you do, but they don’t forget even a single bad one.”
“Dad, I am aware that I am losing my temper, but I am unable to control. I do repent afterwards. And I have never seriously thought about the impact on others, before. Now, I will overcome this, with your help.”
“Of course, my son, we will work out something.”
Next day, Joseph called his son, and told, “You have seen a big wooden plank lying in the backyard. Now I am giving you a box full of nails and a hammer. When ever you could not control your anger and the subsequent outburst, you will hammer a nail on the wooden plank. When you realize that you were angry, and you could control your anger and averted an outburst, you will pull out one nail from the plank. We will review after a month, or when you see that the plank is free of nails, whichever is early.”
After a month, Tom called his father to examine the wooden plank as it was free of nails. They went to the backyard to examine the plank. They could see thirteen nail marks on the plank, but no nails. And the boy said, “now I am able to control my temper.”
The father said, “you took it up in good spirits and I am proud of you. You can achieve anything you want if you put your heart and soul into it. Now, I will tell you something about the temper, or you can call it anger. You have seen the plank; there are thirteen marks. You have removed all the nails when you could control your anger and could avert the outbursts. But see the marks left by the nails, they are the scars which remain in the hearts of those affected by the outbursts. So, what I mean to say is, temper is the most precious thing in the world and never lose it. You can deal with any situation with a calm mind. That will be more effective.”
This was a wake-up call for me. And I could complete my assignment intime without any ill feelings to others.”
“But how can you deal with people calmly when you know very well that they are not doing their work properly? And, even when you know that they are trying to sabotage the whole thing.”
“The plus point here is that it makes you alert and keeps you vigilant. When people know that you are a tough nut to crack, at the end of the day they will cooperate. Not all people are bad all the time. Listen to the following poem by Kent M Keith in this context:
Do good anyway
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; succeed anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable; be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.”
Act with integrity and kindness, regardless of how others respond. Focus on one’s values and intrinsic worth of doing good.
