“If you get a chance to choose between driver seat and back seat, which one would you prefer?”
“Driver seat, of course.”
“But why?”
“Feel like I control everything, and I feel nice and important.”
“There are situations where you must relinquish your driver seat and go for a back seat for the overall benefit of everyone. And sometimes you must resort to a dual role. It is nice to be important, but it is more important to be nice.”
“Can you please elaborate on this, and share your experience?”
“It was in the 1970s when I started my professional career as a supervisor in a large manufacturing concern. I report to my department head, Mr. Joseph who is a matured gentleman and he applies his own ways to deal with different situations according to their merits. He applies both driver seat and back seat techniques in his day to day work.”
“I didn’t get it. How can you apply both at the same time?”
“Being the in charge of the department, he is accountable and responsible for both the quantity and quality of output. In this role he will be in the driver seat (at the macro level). The department comprises different production units. Each unit will be reporting to the head. I oversee one of those units. I have the full freedom to manage the activities of this unit. My boss takes a back seat here (at the micro level). When the crew have some minor issues with me or any other functional activities, they try to take it up with the department head, but my boss will not intervene in the matter and will direct them to resolve the issues with me as I am the in charge of that unit. And most of the time I could handle these issues amicably. In my whole professional life, this was the one role I enjoyed the most, where I could learn a lot which was useful in my personal as well as professional life in the future. I mastered the art of driver seat and back seat applications here.”
“But I don’t understand the personal angle here. How can you apply this in the personal level?”
“If your professional skills call for a driver seat approach, you will gradually develop a tendency to maintain the same role throughout, you will be reluctant to relinquish this role even if need arises. You would love to be in control of everything. It plays havoc in personal life. In many situations it is ideal to take a back seat or go for a dual role, leaving others to manage their activities themselves. No body is indispensable in this world. Things will move on even if someone is missing.”
“I think the picture is clear now.”
“And last but not the least, even though you go for a back seat voluntarily, don’t indulge in back seat driving. It’s the most common reason to ruin personal relationships.”
“I think I have heard of this, but I am not clear about the concept. Can you please explain?”
“When you relinquish your driver seat and take a back seat, you are not supposed to be in the control role. But you love to control everything and start giving step by step instructions to deal with everything, i.e. you are interfering in others’ lives.
The impact is worst in the case of couples and other family members too. Many families end up in breakup because of irreparable harm caused.”
“So, what do you suggest?”
“I am nobody to suggest anything here. Understand the situation and act appropriately.”
